It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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