I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
