I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
tell me about the eggs
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