I CAN MOONWALK!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
