Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
