she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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