how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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