This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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