(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
