i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
