And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
