Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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