so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just blew my weed a kiss
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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