There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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