Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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