I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
