i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
