Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Less talking, more tequila
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
