dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
