she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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