we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize