i think my tv is drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
