please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
