Kiss
Puke
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
