porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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