Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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