Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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