my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
