You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
