Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
