I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
