70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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