You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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