So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
