my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
