This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
