i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
