God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
