is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
