I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
