I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
