first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
