Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
