Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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