everyone is single if you try hard enough
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
