Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Life is so much better after having sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize