Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
