im six kinds of drunk right now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize