maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
