I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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