Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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