So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
