I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
