i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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