how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
