who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
