just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
