Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
