im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
