There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
