so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
