The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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