i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
