Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
