Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
