yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
