Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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