I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
