Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
