You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
