I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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