You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
