Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
