so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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