hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
