Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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