I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
