I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
