your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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