I'm gonna have a badass scar
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
