im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I want is dick and wine.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
