Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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