Having a random hookup so left but love u
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
