i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found your dick twin last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
