im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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