Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
