i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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