that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
