Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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