I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
