benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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