remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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