Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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