there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My vagina is officially offended.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
