White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
