I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I touched a dick in church today
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
